Thursday, January 10, 2008

The next Kennedy to run for president.

I'm no politician, but I am really glad that I started this blog during an election race. It provides a constant stream of blog-able topics. In trolling the net as of late, I've come across a few things I'd like to discuss about politics.

Number one on that list is Ted. He's like the antithesis of Ron Paul. I see him as a kind of dark horse meant to take votes away from Bill the Cat. It's kind of hard to tell what his platform consists of, but I know it's probably made of the ends of stud lumber left over in the garage and clad in 5/4 ply, because this guy needs one hell of a platform to hold all the bullshit he's been surrounding himself with. I don't know where some people get off in lampooning the democratic process, that, as of yet, has rarely let us down, but I am glad that there's a guy like me to expose him. I think he might be missing out on some the essentials for candidacy. He also obviously spent too much time contemplating Mr. I's chemistry lessons to put serious thought into Mrs. Benson's English class. Also, it seems as if his record has been meticulously wiped clean. Nothing is known about his record, prior office, business relations, or agenda.

Some have even postulated that Ted isn't even his real name. So what am I saying? Well, I am calling out Ted for a battle of the wits and the whits. I challenge Ted to a duel in the patented Blog-O-Sphere Death-matic Arena of Doom. [surprisingly Death-matic is not recognized by spell check]

So, for the foreseeable future, or until Rambo comes out, I will be on a tirade to have Ted's name banned from any and all ballots and any supporters of his shuffled from the mortal coil.

Ted for President

And what kind of presidential candidate doesn't have a real fucking website? God damn, 9.99 a year from Yahoo and you can get your own .com. Fucking amateur.

5 comments:

edmund said...

in the words of the canadian prime minister, "You'll rue this day1"

edmund said...

i swear to god i'll have my people fuck you up

Lamont said...

Admittedly, Ted could use the services of an editor, but sometimes I think it may just be part of the schtick - sort of e. e. cummings meets William Safire. On the other hand, I've yet to see Ted chastise anyone else for their spelling, grammar or syntax. That behavior can get you onto thin ice. For instance, a blog posting that devotes significant space to trashing someone's writing mechanics loses considerable credibility when it misspells the last name of our 35th president and the current "Lion of the Senate". Further, when you obsess over writing mechanics, you risk missing a good idea. Ted has a few, once you peel back the stuff he tosses in for obvious shock value. The smart kids up front all picked up on that. Maybe you should spend less time in the back of the class perfecting your spit-ball technique.
I think campaign fatigue will prove to be on Ted's side, which may be the only benefit of this campaign that appears to have started during the Harding administration. It is crucially important that he wins the upcoming presidential election, if only because he will select The Spuds to play at an inaugural ball.

edmund said...

I was voted conservative of the week by the nancy pelosi watchdog group.

pleasehelpthe said...

For this mysterious Lamont character, who so viciously attacked my spelling, I have repaired my error.

Noting first that I am not now and never will in the future run for the president, I still believe that if one were to compare my ratio of words spelled correctly vs. incorrectly I think the correlation would be quite close to one.

High enough to convince Freud, Jung, and Skinner.

As for your record, I have contacted Stephen Hawking, and he's responded as such.

"For one who claims to have been raised without the benefit of a third dimension, you seem to have mastered numerous fundamental interactions quite eloquently."

Oh shit, man. I think Stephen Hawking called you a liar.