Monday, January 5, 2009

Aaron Nace and Rosie Hardy can go suck dicks in Hell.

If you, in the last year or two, spent any time on Flickr's Explore page, you've probably seen this douche bag's annoying face, and it's more than likely that you've seen his talentless girlfriend's photos as well. There combined contribution to the world of fine art photography is on par with the effect dogs playing poker and Velvet Elvis has had on fine art painting, and I'm not just saying that to be a dick head, I'm saying it because it's true. Let me explain, citing examples;

1. Dogs playing poker is a painting, as Aaron Nace's work is photography; but if you get a closer look at either, you start to notice strange things. 'Hey!' you might say to yourself. 'That dog has three legs, and that one seems to be sticking out his tongue, but his mouth looks closed!' Or you might be looking at that photograph posted up there at the top of this article, and you might say to yourself, after close (or not so close) examination, 'Wow, his face looks awfully red, and the placement of the lights allows the book to cast a weird shadow on his neck. Per haps he should have used some more fill flash, so that the colors on top and bottom of the shirt would look congruous, as well.' You might also find yourself thinking 'Gee, the over all concept of this photo is pompous, overly transparent, a bit condescending, but mostly it's just kind of stupid.'

2. You may also find yourself, at some point, looking at this Velvet Elvis. You might look at that Velvet Elvis and say to yourself, 'I know it's no Van Gough, but hey, it's part of the American experience, and I guess you could consider it ironically hip, now-a-days.' So what, right? But ponder, for me, this per haps, all to common experience. You're trolling through your parents attic, searching for something valuable to sell, so you can pay off your drug dealer, and you find this painting. There's one of two things that you might find running through your mind at that moment; one, "Sweet! Mine!"...or two; "oh my God, my parents were so tragically un-hip, that not only did they purchase a Velvet Elvis, but they liked it so much that when they were too ashamed to display it anymore, they saved it." And maybe later on, you find yourself looking at this Rosie Hardy photo. And you'd almost positively look at yourself and say, 'Fuckin' amateurs! Haven't you goddamned Brits yet learned that if you do something with CCTV cameras in it, we're instantly going to make a comparison to Banksy, and call you a cop out!' And on top of that, you'd say, 'way to take a moderately moody and almost well composed photo of an attractive person and ruin it by tying to make it a political statement, and then throw some really cheesy background effects on it to draw your eye away from what would have been the focal point of this image.' At which point, you'd leave your computer to watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD, or something, and totally forget about the whole experience. Later on, that day, your room mate will say, "Hey man, you've got to see this hilarious video of Chris Walken with these plants, and googly eyes and stuff! It's freaking hilarious!" You'll be intrigued and tell him, "Yo, cue that shit up on my computer, while I finish my 40oz of malt liquor, I'll be up in a minute." And as your friend wakes up your computer, he'll see that photo on your still open browser window, and go through the exact same emotional gamut that you just went through in your parents attic.

So why, you might ask, are their respective works always in the top four photos in the entirety of Flickr? Well, let's examine the top ten on Explore at any one moment. Generally, there's at least two shots of hot girls dressed in revealing clothing. Then there is a token HDR photo of a cityscape at night, three or four pictures of flowers in macro, you've got a clouds at sunset shot, with the remaining photos generally being either humorous or tragic, but the top spot is always reserved, for no good reason, for Aaron or Rosie. So if there's no good reason, there's got to at least be a shitty reason, right? In fact there's two;

1. Aaron and Rosie met and fell in love on Flickr. So while I'm ashamed and secretive about soliciting sex on Craigslist, this guy is so proud of his creepiness, that he lauds it about on Flickr, and she's so enamored by his endless knowledge of poor lighting techniques, that she fawns over him like a schoolgirl over a Pontiac Firebird, and the whole Flickr universe laps it up like reality TV on a rainy night.

2. The rolling stone gathers no moss. By that, I mean that these two individuals are nothing if not prolific. I could post four or five shitty photos a day, and still not garner as much attention, but because I don't have an 'Aww!' factor, and since these two have capitalized on their vomit-inducingly cute story of trans-Atlantic love, they could, to analogize with a quote from the movie Airheads, fart on a snare drum, and still make the front page.

But I must be fair; I've met neither of these individuals, and don't know enough about them to make a character judgment. I'm sure that they are nice people and probably great fun to hang out with, but it's not stopped me from hating them and everything they stand for. And on top of that, what have I accomplished by making this post? If anything, I may have drawn an infinitesimally small amount of traffic to their respective Flickr pages, but in no way have I stopped or even slowed the juggernaut that is the Flickr political machine. That's up to you, my dear readers.

Please, if you've ever seen an awful piece of creative effort being vaulted on high by the ruthless internet masses and said to yourself, "I've had more artistic bowel movements than that piece of trash, why not me?!?" then link to this, or spread it along. Feel free to copy and paste it into a chain e-mail, or pin it to your memo board at work. Spread the word and end the tyranny of shitty art on the internet!

6 comments:

Shel said...

GET A LIFE, YOU JEALOUS LOSER.

icefox4 said...

Wow.. You're an asshole.

Cassy said...

haha, um where is your artwork? If their images are so bad why do people love them so much? I know you are titled to your own opinion, but it just sounds like jealous rambling to me.

Please Help Me said...

To Shel; I'm not jealous, I'm bitter, bitter that the system Flickr has in place is unfair, and as time goes on, it gets less and less fair.

icefox4; Yes. I am. Thanks for pointing out what anyone who reads this blog knows instinctively.

Cassy; if you were to follow to the end of the series, you'd see the link to my Flickr account. I feel that, even though he has gear that makes mine look like toys, my work is of a higher emotional and artistic caliber, otherwise, I never would have made these satirical posts. And I'm no grammar nazi, but the only thing I'm 'titled' to is a '96 Ford Aspire, I am, however 'entitled' to an opinion.

As a social experiment, I'd say that these three comments prove the level of maturity and intelligence of Aaron and Rosie's ravenous sheep-like fan base.

Unbiased Opinion said...

William-

Sounds like you got a load off of your chest. I don't know if you'll actually read this, I'm not one that familiarizes with blogs or whatnot [in fact it took me well over 30 minutes to create a damn account and all the stupid idiotic steps simply to post this, but I felt compelled to respond
As much as I enjoyed your pointless rants on two people whom you will never meet [and I say 'pointless' solely for the reason that your life will not change whether or not Rosie/Aaron take another picture] I'm going to have to address a couple of things as well.

1. Cassey- Truth is not always in numbers. You cannot base whether a photo is good or bad on how many people comment on it. Simply because people stay up late at night for the sole purpose of being "Rosie Hardy's #1 Comment!!" doesn't mean that her pictures are great.
Now I'm not saying her pictures are bad, because I followed the stream for quite sometime; I'm just trying to shine some light on the difference here. Popularity has no bearing on how good of a photographer you are.

2. William- "I'd say that these three comments prove the level of maturity and intelligence of Aaron and Rosie's ravenous sheep-like fan base."
....
Really...

Someone's nobility and their ability and desire to stand up for someone does not reflect intelligence and maturity. Yes, petty name-calling doesn't help their case either but we'll move along.

3. I checked in your Flickr stream, what happened? You speak as if your photography can be compared to the great artists of the past. You sound like a cynical washout newspaper columnist that dropped out of photography school due to inadequate creativity. Quit being pissed off at the world.

jaimee t. said...

i'm not really sure what everyone elses problem is with this enlightening, albeit kind of rude, statement.
in fact, i'm pretty confident in agreeing with most of your main points. rosie hardy's photography in particular has gotten less and less engaging with the more 'famous' she's become. though i'd hardly call excessive internet exposure 'fame'.
and as for aaron nace... well... his photographs just make no sense.
if anyone were to look at their photographs before they over-edited them in photoshop (or gimp, in rosie's case), they would notice that they look like they've been taken by an autistic kid on crack.
thank god for photo editing programs, right?

for the most part, i am completely with you on this one.