Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I feel a rant coming on...

Originally uploaded by aknacer
Wow. It's such a refreshing notion to have motivation. After the post I wrote yesterday, I felt resolved. I even felt a little pompous myself. My taste in art could in no way be considered 'high brow'. In fact, I typically prefer a really good illustrator over a fantastic artist, any day.

This morning, I got to work, and checked my analytics page on my blog, expecting to be able to quit my job and work as a full time blogger. My mother taught me, when I was but a small child, that if you can't make your way in by being smart, then you have to do it with bastardry. I definitely turned that corner yesterday, and now it's just a waiting game before the lucrative offers just start rolling in, right?

I better work some posturing, if I want to stay fresh in the minds of my loyal throngs. I don't want you to think it was a fluke, or something. It wasn't. I'm always that witty. This time, I'll avoid analogies, because sometimes I like to put myself in a box, just to see how I handle it. This will be straight up criticism.

So let us begin with photography basics; when you're shooting a subject that is highly reflective, even if it's digital and you plan to post process, you must use a polarizing filter to reduce annoying glare, such as is evident on the plastic bag, and the can of fine malt beverage. This is, obviously, the effect of the new age of photographers who don't just ignore the history of photography, they actively seek to escape it. To these new age digital photographers, a filter is something to be applied on top of an image, but in reality a filter is something that is meant to treat an image before it reaches the medium, be it film, photographic paper, or a digital sensor. What's the purpose of using an SLR camera, if you're just going to crop and process the shit out of your image after it's been taken? Get yourself a point and shoot.

Oh! Because if you had a point and shoot, you wouldn't be able to dazzle us with your 'strobist' info. If you were doing that to enlighten an aspiring photographer as to the complicated concepts of studio lighting (ah-hem, Rosie, are you impressed?), then you'd be sending mixed signals. What you ought to do is after all your strobist cues, you should put a disclaimer that would read something like this; "Results such as mine can be achieved with half the gear, half the complication, and half the investment if you just use your brain and stop caring so much about what gear you have, and take more into consideration the quality of the image you're attempting to create." Aaron, you're strobing with a X1600; which has an effective w/s rating of about 660. At 1/32 of nominal power you're getting about 20 w/s of light. You've got about eight times that much light coming from the other side, and you've still failed to create much light and shadow detail, besides your trademark terribly harsh drop shadows.

Now for my finale'. The subject matter of this photograph is so offensive, strange, and despicably stupid, that I honestly was shocked to see that it made it to the top of Explore. You see? I'm still acting naive. Lets just start from the top down, and point out all the inconsistencies independently.

1. Rednecks don't wear hats cocked to the side; frat boys do...what does that reveal about our friend, Aaron, here?
2. If you had a mullet like that, you'd never bury it under a hat. That's a four or maybe five star mullet, and it's a tragedy to hide it.
3. Do you have good dental hygiene or poor? Make up your mind, because you're sending mixed signals.
4. Rednecks don't eat Ruffles. They are like 4.50 a bag! Mama Utz is 99 cents. You've officially ruined my suspension of disbelief.
5. Colt 45 in a tall-boy? I might see that in my neighborhood in South Philly, but at the trailer park, you're more likely to see cans of Miller High Life.
6. Are your wife beaters too precious to make an actual stain? You have to add a digital stain? Bad form. Beer washes out of wife beaters, trust me, I know.

Prospectus: Between the poor technical approach, the stylistic inconsistencies, and the overall offensive nature of the societal constructs displayed in this photo, should have relegated this photo to Flickr obscurity, but because of what I layed out yesterday, it's actually number one on Explore.

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